Starting Fresh is my way of saying its time to leave the past behind. I thought that writing about it would make it easier to let it go, but it turns out, it just made it stay fresh in my mind.
I’ve begun to just focus on what I need to be happy NOW, not what happened in the past and how many wrongs I perceived to have been handed. I’m taking responsibility for MY part in how I reacted to what happened to me. I am the only one who could control my actions and to put it mildly, I am quite ashamed of how I did react in some instances.
I know you are going to say, well, we can’t blame you. You were hurt, you were used, you were emotionally abused. Yes to all of that, but in that, I CHOSE to stay and play the hand I was dealt, instead of folding and placing my cards on the table to say I wasn’t going to accept it.
I behaved badly, in many, many things I chose to do. A few of you were party to that bad behavior. My BAD, not yours. Please accept my apologies.
I knew better. Period.
I made some real friends over the course of the past 3-4 years, ones that I won’t ever regret connecting with, even though some of our interactions were less than appropriate.
Don’t read this wrong, this does not by any means abdicate his responsibility in my emotional state, I’m just saying, I knew what I was doing was wrong. My mother and grandmother probably spun in their graves…
So, Starting Fresh means: I’m leaving the past behind, looking to the future for a brighter day. I’m going to live in the Sun and shy away from the darkness that I know can be in me.
I’m going to be a better me, one that I know I can be.
Do you still want to take that ride with me?
I’ll still post my ups and downs, dumb shit that happens at work, crap about my kids, etc, but nothing more about what he did to hurt me, what I did in response…Let’s move forward, together, mkay?