Only me

Something is missing….

I feel empty and lost

Alone, even tho I’m not

The size of my thoughts

Can no longer support my heart

I can no longer manage the weight of my life

It brings me down

Suffocating me with imagined responsibility

How do I break these chains

That are real only in my mind?

Please don’t ask me to be something I’m not

Its like asking a dog to be a rock

I can only give what I have

No more than a cow can give birth to a fox

I can only be me

Not your Mom or your sis

To be more is harder than turning a Mr. into a Miss…

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Unwinding…

Picture of blue, yellow and white yarn

There’s so much going on in my life right now that it’s incredibly hard to shut my mind off at night and extremely hard to focus on one project for any decent amount of time… without some kind of help…

Half watching TV, texting, playing games on my phone…I have a crochet project laying next to me…and all I want to do is just shut it all down….

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I just wanna…

White image with title word Wanna

I wanna pour it all out

Do my words to make you wanna feel?

I say, do my words to make you wanna feel?

I wanna my words to paint your emotions

I wanna your heart to hear my anguish

I wanna my words to silently shout

I wanna feel the pain ooze through my fingertips on this keyboard

I wanna see the pain leap through the screen

I wanna see it embed itself in your brain

I just wanna write and make you wanna feel

I just wanna pour it on out

I just wanna

Untitled

It’s been over 5 years since I’ve shared here.

My mind has been blocked for half of those years and my heart for all of them…

I went looking for some old pen and paper pieces I had written maybe 10 years ago… they’re gone and they’re missed. I wanted to go back to where I started to see how far I have come…and it seems not nearly as far as I had hoped, but, far enough to see progress.

I’ve been reflecting a lot recently and have come to the conclusion that I’m human and I make mistakes.

Big ones…

HUGE….

People say live life with no regrets. Idk how to do that, some decisions I have made have scarred my soul.

Not necessarily for the actual “thing” I have done. More for the thought behind it. The “I know this ain’t right” or “you know this is gonna bite you in the ass” or “you know they won’t appreciate you in the end” and still I do the “thing” that I eventually regret.

I now say that I will live life knowing that things can and will go bad and that you just have to buck up and move forward without complaint and owning your part in your life.

Live for the good in the moment and the dream that can come true if you just believe.

Live for your happiness…

‘Tis the Season

‘Tis the Season
it is said
for all souls and bodies
to be fed

Prayers and gifts
but what if
your heart
just doesn’t fit

Hurts and sorrows

Dreams of better
tomorrows

Dreams of days
that never seem
to carry the promise

Nights filled with tears
heart filled with fears
worry
despairs
nobody else
really cares

‘Tis the Season
it is said
for little boys and girls
to slumber
deeply in their bed

With dreams of presents
and dreams of fun

But not for those who
can’t do anything
but
run
away from pain
and deep regrets
away
from
goals and ambitions
unfulfilled

Run
inside themselves
and hide the aches
upon
heavy laden shelves

Showing only to the world
a smile and a gracious bow

Hidden
so none may know
None of the pain
will ever show

‘Tis the Season
for xmas wishes
come true
always taught
Be Good
and
wonderful things
will
come
to you

Reality is
wishes aren’t
life hurts
love is difficult

Only the ones
who live it deeply

Only the ones
who give it freely

Know
of the hurts

Know
of
giving
your all
to those
you love